Borrowed from the internet in general and several people I know, a book meme.

1) What author do you own the most books by?

Dunno; John Ashbery, maybe. Though I stopped buying new books by him after Girls on the Run.

2) What book do you own the most copies of?

Shakespeare, if you count various editions and single play paperbacks from when I taught Renaissance seminars at St. Mary’s.

3) Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?

Whatevs, dude.

4) What fictional character are you secretly in love with?

This is where you expect every woman to say Darcy, right? If we’re being honest, Mister Spock. Or Hamlet. But my first love was really Kermit the frog. I like cerebral guys with green tinges to their skin.

5) What book have you read the most times in your life?

Shakespeare and/or the Bible.

6) What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?

Something by C.S. Lewis, probably.

7) What is the worst book you’ve read in the past year?

Beautiful Children by Chales Bock. Insanely overhyped.

8. What is the best book you’ve read in the past year?

Oh gosh, I’m up to 40 odd books this year already and nothing’s blown my socks off.

9) If you could force everyone you know to read one book, what would it be?

As a teacher, I resent the idea that I would force anybody not enrolled in one of my courses to read anything.

10) Who deserves to win the next Nobel Prize for Literature?

Bob Dylan.

11) What book would you most like to see made into a movie?

I haven’t liked a book-into-film adaptation since Wonder Boys, and that’s the odd case where I liked the film better than the book.

12) What book would you least like to see made into a movie?

Watchmen... oh, wait.

13) Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.

Seeing as that I barely remember my dreams, this is hard to answer. When I worked at a bookstore hosting a pretty prestigious reading series, I met a lot of famous writers and ended up having nightmares about most of them.

14) What is the most lowbrow book you’ve read as an adult?

I read shitty trash books on vacation, usually chick lit or fluffy YA. Twilight is probably as terrible as I’ve gotten through.

15) What is the most difficult book you’ve ever read?

Foucault, maybe? I did manage to get through Finnegan’s Wake. Difficult fiction is easier for me than difficult literary theory, which is boooorrrrring. That’s why I don’t have a PhD.

16) What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you’ve seen?

Two Noble Kinsmen, Berkeley Shakespeare, 1985 and Henry VIII at Ashland sometime in the 80s. Pericles at Cal Shakes a couple of seasons back. I’m still waiting to see live productions of Titus Andronicus, Timon of Athens and the Henry VI plays, ahem, Cal Shakes. And I’d be curious about seeing the disputed plays, too.

17) Do you prefer the French or the Russians?

Tolstoy, bitches!

18) Roth or Updike?

Ugh, neither.

19) David Sedaris or Dave Eggers?

Ugh, neither. And why are they paired together? Is the next question going to ask me to choose between Jonathan Franzen, Jonathan Lethem, and Jonathan Safran Foer? (for the record: none of ‘em, Franzen had it and imploded)

20) Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer?

SHAKESPEARE

21) Austen or Eliot?

Eliot. Again, why are these two paired? They have nothing in common.

22) What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?

French novelists, probably. I’ve never read Flaubert or Proust. A friend of mine was listening to A la Recherche du Temps Perdu (I do speak and read French, very badly) on audiobook and described it as a child laying in bed waiting for his mommy to come in… for three hours of audiobook time. But I do live the Monty Python All England Summarize Proust competition skit.

23) What is your favorite novel?

I’m rather fond of David Lodge’s Changing Places, if only for the nostalgia factor of a time when UC Berkeley had money and prestige instead of just prestige.

24) Play?

Hamlet and Lear. I never, ever need to see Midsummer, Twelfth Night, or Romeo and Juliet again.

25) Poem?

John Donne’s Holy Sonnets and/or the Shakespeare sonnets and/or John Berryman’s Dream Songs.

26) Essay?

I’m a huge advocate of creative nonfiction, a genre I practice, but I don’t have a favorite essay.

27) Short story?

Something by Richard Brautigan. Probably “1/3 1/3 1/3″.

28) Work of nonfiction?

Thomas Merton’s books, at the moment.

29) Who is your favorite writer?

Har dee har har… now you ask?

30) Who is the most overrated writer alive today?

Someone mentioned above.

31) What is your desert island book?

Shakespeare, I guess. Though I really don’t like desert islands. Why don’t memes ever ask what you’d read in the Nunavut ice fields?

32) And . . . what are you reading right now?

What Happened at Vatican II, John O’Malley; New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton; Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, Annie Dillard; The Winter Sun, Fanny Howe.

Hmmm… my plan to write about food and therefore garner a ton of new readers hasn’t panned out thus far. Maybe I should change my name to Michael Pollan? Anyway, moving on…

Day 2. Your favorite sweet dish.

Don’t ask! No, let me explain. I was a latchkey kid; my mom and dad both worked full time, and my younger sister and I came home every day and let ourselves into an empty house, at which point she promptly started talking on the phone until dinner time, and I started baking. Once I figured out a few recipes, I realized pretty young that I had a talent for pastries, cookies, cakes and pies, and the advantage of baking in the afternoons was that I could then devour whatever I’d made before anyone else could (I had a hell of a metabolism back then). In the 70s and 80s, upper class aspirational California was pretty much defined by Sunset magazine, which I pick up occasionally at my therapist’s office and think is so bourgeois precious it makes my stomach hurt. But my mom loved it, and it had recipes — fairly complex ones, from what I recall. This was the equivalent to throwing down the gauntlet in my pre-teen/teen baking years. So, this orange cake has thirty five ingredients? Whatever, Sunset. You can’t keep me down! And I’d make a huge fucking mess and something delicious.

To this day, I find baking more relaxing than meditation or long walks or whatever people do to relax. My husband jokes that when he hears the mixer starting up late at night, he knows I need to wind down. But my current challenge is how to get rid of stuff I bake; I can’t eat entire cakes anymore, and ever since a colleague referred to my offering baked goods to students as kissing their asses for good evaluations, I don’t bring them treats anymore. Often I just pack stuff up and hand it off to a homeless person. So baking becomes a social service, and that’s better than wasting the stuff.

Favorites, though? A good chocolate cake with vanilla buttercream. Anything lime/lemon based. Dark chocolate chunk cookies with pecans, dried cherries and sea salt. Zucchini bread. Apricot bars. Bueberry pie. And a million more.

Although I am juggling multiple writing projects at the moment, nothing’s on a hard deadline and I have really been feeling slack about not blogging regularly here or at the place where I (slack on) group blog(ging), WeWhoAreAboutToDie. So I’m ripping this meme off of several people. I mean, shamelessly, everybody seems to be writing and reading books about food (except me), so maybe I’m just attention whoring. We’ll see how long this lasts; I may just answer the whole thing in one shot if I get bored with it. Is there anything you think I should be blogging about instead? If so, please let me know here, on Facebook, via email, etc.

Day 1. Any dietary restrictions?

Not so much restrictions as much as preferences, i.e. I will not fucking touch mayonnaise, pickles, beets, that yellow mustard that comes in squirt bottles (dijon is fine), soy milk, soy cheese, innards, veal, lamb, rabbit or most alcohol. These are primarily about being grossed out (what is the purpose of mayonnaise? why do pickles smell like Satan’s boogers?), but also a little bit about not eating things that are cute (I can’t even eat chocolate Easter bunnies or Peeps). Soy milk and most soy products make me bloat like a beached seal. But even though I have acid reflux, I still eat everything on the list my doctor gave me of foods to avoid. Life is short, and Zantac works great.

Day 2. Your favorite sweet dish.
Day 3. Your favorite savory dish.
Day 4. Your preferred degree of spiciness.
Day 5. Your signature dish.
Day 6. Are/were you a picky eater?
Day 7. Your favorite fruit.
Day 8. Your preferred cooking technique.
Day 9. The kitchen of your dreams.
Day 10. Your favorite local fast food place.
Day 11. Your favorite snack.
Day 12. Your favorite fast food dish.
Day 13. The first dish you’ve ever prepared.
Day 14. Your favorite vegetable.
Day 15. Your most spectacular cooking failure.
Day 16. Your favorite food preparation utensil.
Day 17. Meals planned in advance or spur-of-the-moment ideas?
Day 18. The favorite dish of your childhood.
Day 19. Least favorite dish.
Day 20. A food preparation secret you’d like to learn.
Day 21. Your favorite dairy product.
Day 22. Variety or routine?
Day 23. Your favorite herb[s] and spice[s].
Day 24. Your favorite local restaurant.
Day 25. Haute cuisine or home cooking?
Day 26. If money was of no concern, would your eating habits change?
Day 27. Your usual way of dealing with leftovers.
Day 28. Your favorite beverage on a hot summer day.
Day 29. Lots of small snacks or three square meals a day?
Day 30. Are you comfortable with your relationship with food?